Feng Shui is about the alignment of energy – in your home and in your life. In the dating world, being “aligned’ is equally important – in fact it’s critical – especially if you want to get beyond courtship and into a more committed relationship.
At a lunch recently with five single and one married woman, the subject of dating, partnership and marriage came up. At one point, a gal who has a boyfriend she’s unsure about asked the group elder, who has been happily married for 45 years, “What’s the secret?” The older, wiser woman replied quickly and matter-of-fact, “Common goals.”
We all sat quietly and took in the simple yet profound statement. Could it be just that? As I pondered the response later, it occurred to me that “common goals” is a great baseline. To be fully in alignment, though, there needs to be a few other things.
The young singles at the table, ages 33-41, could be categorized as a Sex & the City crowd. They are independent, successful, attractive, and confident, holding out for that undeniable “connection,” and often sacrificing along the way.
So, as I thought about my own life, having put a lot of emphasis on that “ethereal” connection and sometimes losing site of the wisdom that Elder shared, I created a new set of alignment criteria to share with my coaching clients. We’ll call it the dating “CCR.” Like CPR, Cardio Pulmonary Resuscitation (which also relates to the heart), but let’s replace “Pulmonary” with “Connection.” CCR. Cardio Connection Resuscitation requires these three things:
1) Common Goals
Common Goals: What do you want out of your life and partnership? Marriage, family, faith, travel, a type of lifestyle (e.g. simple vs. extravagant), a specific living environment?
Connection: Ah…the feeling that you’ve known each other before, you understand each other, you truly “get” each other on many levels; and let’s not forget chemistry, pheromones, and attraction which spell romance rather than friendship.
Right-Timing: This is the area where a lot of relationships fail. One person may be ready to commit, the other sees years of freedom ahead. One person is moving closer to his parents, the other is applying to a University. The old saying, “timing is everything” couldn’t be more true in alignment. Where is each of you in your respective lives, career and readiness for partnership? You may have the other two “c’s” but if this one is missing, I see potential heartbreak on the horizon.
With matters of the heart, alignment is important. If you are dating and you want to find the “right” one for you, take the CCR litmus test. If as a couple you pass, you’re likely to move beyond “dating” into an authentic connection that may just stand a test of another kind…the test of time.