The questioning starts well before conception: Will I be able to get pregnant? How long will it take? What if I can’t?

The worry, doubt and fear seem to be ever-present. And the statistics don’t help – especially if you are older. They remind you that after the age of 35, a woman’s chance of getting pregnant significantly decreases and her risk of miscarriage and genetic abnormalities greatly increases. So, regardless of how spiritual you are, it’s easy to get discouraged early in the process.

This is where the journey of surrender begins.

Most of us don’t know how fertile we are until we try to get pregnant. Ah the irony of spending years avoiding conception and then doing everything we can to facilitate it.

I got married three days after my 39th birthday – making time “of the essence” with regard to having a baby. And, while People Magazine was filled with celebrity moms in their late 30s and early 40s, I was fully aware of the facts and challenges of getting pregnant naturally at that age.

My mom was 40 when she had my younger brother, so I figured this might bode well for me. In addition, I had spent the last decade or so focused on my health on all levels – including emotionally and spiritually. This didn’t prohibit the fear, doubt and worry from showing up, but it did support me in keeping them check.

I was blessed to conceive after only three months of “trying.” We were elated and petrified. The fear, doubt and worry persisted and the journey of surrender intensified. My husband and I meditated every night before bed and said a special prayer for the viability of the pregnancy and the health of the baby. I counted every day and marked every week.

The nausea began around week seven and continued to get worse throughout the first trimester. “Morning sickness” was actually “all-day sickness” and although I was voraciously hungry, and I was repulsed by the look and smell of most foods. I was more tired than I’d ever been in my life and felt uncomfortable from morning until night. Surrender, surrender, I kept reminding myself.

I had always been super active and tried to exercise – even if it was just taking a walk. Many days, it was virtually impossible because of how terrible I felt. The effort to maintain my slender physique was futile, as I gained weight rapidly and my body expanded in all the places I had worked so hard to “sculpt” over the years. Another layer of surrender…

After three and a half months of feeling like I had the flu and just when I thought I couldn’t take one more day, the nausea began to subside. By week 15, I started to recognize myself again. One morning, I actually made breakfast for my husband who was taken aback to even see me in the kitchen.

Each checkup, the doctor tried to see the baby’s gender. We were eager to know, yet the baby had other ideas. Yes, the message to surrender rose again…

The ultrasound during the amnio at 17 weeks was a lengthy one. The baby was moving a lot – making us hopeful we’d learn the sex. Nope. Not a chance. We had to be patient and surrender to the process – that was beyond our control.

Now, I’m nearly 19 weeks and we just found out we are having a boy. One question answered – a million more to go.

There are many definitions of surrender including: to relinquish control, to give up in favor of another, to give over (or resign) oneself to something. As a first-time mom, I think the lesson of surrender is one of utmost importance. The idea of relinquishing the need to control, giving up my “comfort” temporarily in favor of my son’s life and giving over any fear, doubt and worry to God, the Universe or a higher power will support me tremendously throughout my journey of motherhood. And, I know that this journey has only just begun.

Life and its unexpected twists and turns can be stressful enough…do we really want our environment adding to the problem?

Clutter can affect your peace at home or productivity and focus at work.  While we all know we need to reduce or remove it entirely, somehow the piles keep growing, the surface areas are full and the floor is barely visible.  It’s overwhelming enough to make us abandon our efforts.  Instead, we often resign ourselves to living in a mess.

Perhaps you are one of the lucky ones…a naturally organized clutter-free individual.  There are some out there - a select few who strive to have little or nothing left lying around.

Then, there are the rest of us.  I include myself in that group because I’m not a natural-born clutter-buster.  While I speak about it all the time, I have to work really hard at keeping my environment organized.  Just ask my mom what my room looked like as a teenager!  But, as soon as I had my own place and began studying Feng Shui (a way to arrange your space to enhance your life), my inner- organizer - and disciplinarian - kicked in.

There are a million excuses for living with disarray in our environment - one of the most common being a lack of time.  Well, I ask you today, do you really have time to be disorganized?

Clutter and disorganization add additional stress to our lives and create unnecessary chaos in our home and office.  An abundance of “stuff” becomes a major distraction and can disturb our sleep, ruin a romantic moment, stifle creativity and reduce our ability to be productive.

Clutter has a major impact on us.  Because everything in our environment has a message for us, clutter forces our brain to process too much at once.  It also impacts our body - activating the nervous system and putting it into overdrive.

Where is the clutter in your life?  Can you identify it?  Review your space and ask yourself three questions:  1) What do I really need in this environment? 2) What do I actually use (regularly)?  and 3) What do I truly love?

Are there things you can give away, throw away or recycle?  Are there things you could file, store or put away neatly if you cleared out space in your drawers, cabinets and closets?  You may need to start by clearing out the clutter that’s tucked away so you have room to store what you need.  Are you willing?

Clutter in our home and office adds anxiety to our lives.  In a fast-paced world where there is an abundance of stress, do you really want your environment to be part of the problem?   I invite you to use this new awareness to be part of the solution.

I awoke this morning delighted that it was Sunday.  I love Sundays.  Even though it was after 7am, it was still quiet.  I was so comfortable.  My bed, my organic cotton sheets and “comforter,” the crisp morning air coming through my open window, gentle light flowing in from behind my curtains…all of my senses were heightened.  I smiled.  I felt safe, secure and at peace.

What in your life brings you comfort?  Are you aware of those things that relax your nervous system and soothe your soul?  If not, perhaps you can observe the experiences in your life - even those that seem simple.  Sometimes, in the simplicity, we find the greatest satisfaction.

Then, of course, there’s the opposite feeling - that of discomfort.  One basic definition of discomfort is “mental or bodily distress.”  In certain circumstances, we can use this definition to avoid potential suffering (for example, we might stop running if feel discomfort in our knee).  Other definitions of discomfort include: “uneasiness, nervousness, inconvenience.”  Or, merely, “lack of comfort.”

There’s a good portion of the time when I experience being uncomfortable - or out of my comfort zone.  Whether working on a new project, teaching a class to an unfamiliar group, anticipating a coaching session, paying bills…as Gilda Radner said, “It’s always something.”

The contrast between comfort and discomfort can be stark.  And, as Maslow states, there are certain needs, such as food, clothing and shelter that, when left unmet, threaten our survival.   But, is there such a thing as healthy discomfort?

Our sense of comfort or discomfort can be a useful tool in navigating our lives.  When we are too comfortable, we can get stuck - meaning our comfort is actually creating discomfort.  From this perspective, discomfort can be an opportunity to grow, develop and evolve.  And, a time to surrender to something new, experience the unfamiliar and embrace a little uneasiness.

Where in your life are you uncomfortable?  Is this a place where you are stretching beyond the familiar and choosing to expand?   Could it be healthy discomfort?

And the day came when the risk (it took) to remain tight in the bud was more painful than
the risk it took to blossom.
–Anais Nin

In support of you stepping out of your comfort zone.

My grandmother used to say, “If you can’t sleep, rest is the next best thing.”

I hear her voice and wisdom often when I’m “supposed to be sleeping” but am feeling anxious, overwhelmed or wired.  So, instead of worrying about not sleeping, I rest.  Usually, my body relaxes and I fall into slumber.

As a person who teaches others how to stay in balance, I often have to dig deep into my toolbox to make sure I’m practicing what I preach.

While I delight in sleeping eight hours a night, there are times when my schedule somehow gets in the way.  Does that ever happen to you?  It might be because I’ve said “yes” to some great work opportunities and just happen to have evening activities on my calendar too.  Or, perhaps I have to catch up on admin or want to squeeze a workout into the morning before my day begins.  Whatever the reason, my shut-eye sometimes suffers.

The first few days of less-than-ideal sleep, my adrenaline, optimism and general good health carries me along.  Then, little-by-little the fatigue sets in.  Every part of me feels like I need to rest and relax.  So, whenever possible, with my grandmother’s words ringing in my ears, I give myself ten minutes to lie down.  If that’s not an option, I’ll just sit, close my eyes and breathe.  The result?  I feel better.

We all know that managing stress is easier when we sleep well, eat mindfully and exercise, but sometimes it’s challenging to do when things get hectic.

The good news is that we can introduce rest and relaxation into our day.  Whether you are taking a few minutes to do deep breathing, lying down and closing your eyes, sitting and looking a beautiful image, taking a brief walk, listening to a song you love, meditating, saying a prayer/affirmation or playing with a pet, there are dozens of quick and effective ways to calm the mind, relax the body and rejuvenate the spirit.

What tools can you use today to help keep you centered and in balance?

Remember what my grandmother said. “If you can’t sleep, rest is the next best thing.”  She was right.

In support,

Coach Marie Elena Rigo

In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.  Theodore Roosevelt

Over the past few months, I’ve been helping a client select new carpet for her home.  It’s been a stressful process because she’s been unable to make a decision.  With endless color, material, pattern and quality options, she fell into a state of anxiety — fearful that if she selected something, she’d miss out on something “out there” that might be a better fit.  Even with a budget and professional help, she’s elected to stay in a state of indecision.

I talked to her about the benefit of making a choice and moving on with the rest of her home renovation project.  Eventually, we agreed upon a carpet selection and ordered it.  I left hoping she felt some relief.  A few hours later, she emailed me and said that she’d called and cancelled the order.  I respected her decision, but knew we would have to start the deliberation process all over again - which would not only add to her existing stress, but also prohibit her from making other decisions for her home.

If you put off everything ‘till you’re sure of it, you’ll get nothing done. Norman Vincent Peale

Our lives are chock-full of choices, options and possibilities.  Too many options often render us motionless - causing us stress and keeping us stuck in our own indecision.

Why is it so challenging for us to decide?  Patterns of perfectionism and procrastination certainly play a part.  We deliberate, evaluation, assess, analyze, solicit the opinions of others - and often stay in the “process” far longer than necessary because we desperately want to get it “right.”  While there is definitely value in weighing our options, there is also immense value in choosing.  Whether we get it right or wrong, the act of making a decision is empowering in itself.

How are you using indecision to add stress to your life?  Are you postponing something you need to address?  Are you creating drama where it could be avoided?  Or, do you truly need to gather more information?

As the Emperor Napoleon said, “Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived, stop thinking and go in.”

Approximately one billion cards are delivered for Valentine’s Day making it the second largest card-sending holiday, trumped only by Christmas.  Along with cards, Valentine’s Day can also deliver huge amounts of stress.

Whether you are single or in a relationship, the holiday honoring St. Valentine seems to bring with it expectations of grandeur, and quite often, disappointment.

Expectations are one of the most common causes of stress.  We have expectations of ourselves and of others - most of which contain lots of “shoulds.”  Let’s look at some of the popular ones that show up on February 14^th:

• I should be in a relationship.
• My boyfriend should buy me flowers.
• I should buy a present for my wife.
• We should have a romantic dinner and great sex.
• I should feel fine about being single and going out with my friends.

But wait!  Expectations can be managed - by us.  We have control over our thoughts.  Regardless of the societal pressure, the inundation of messages, and way the holiday is presented, we can choose to release ourselves from martyrdom.

This year, how could you choose differently?

Putting the day in perspective can help.  Here are some things to remember:

• Valentine’s Day is just one day out of the year.
• Presence can be far more gratifying than presents.
• Celebrating love can be done anywhere, anytime.
• Expensive, multi-course dinners and wine often lead to full tummies and feeling groggy - making sex less likely.
• Special evenings are created when distractions are eliminated and two people can really focus on each other.
• Doing something out of the ordinary helps enhance romance.
• Intimacy is a natural by-product of honest, caring expression and is created with heartfelt sharing.
• Romantic love, platonic love, and familial love are all part of this “love” holiday.
• There are no “shoulds” - only “coulds.”

How will you manage your expectations of yourself and others - stressing less and leaving the suffering to good ol’ St. Valentine?

The word inspiration comes from the Latin, inspire, meaning “to breathe in.” This time of year can be a little intimidating because people are making resolutions, setting lofty goals and committing to big changes in the year ahead. My suggestion: take a breath and do one thing, instead.

According to Opinion Corporation of Princeton, NJ, while 45% of Americans usually set New Year’s Resolutions, only 8% of people are successful in achieving them.

To me, success is a formula:

CLARITY + ACTION + PERSISTENCE x TIME = RESULTS. Each part is important, so let’s drill down a bit.

CLARITY: Be clear about what you want. The clearer you are, the easier it is for you, others and the universe to support you. If you feel unclear, tap into your intuition, commit to asking yourself and others questions, and even try thinking about what you don’t want. The answers are there inside of you, it’s a process allowing them to surface.

ACTION: Take it! Do a minimum of ONE thing that will move you forward in the direction you want to go every day. Whether it’s getting healthy, exploring new career options, creating more balance in your life, or finding a partner, focusing on one action step will create momentum and give you energy to do the next thing.

PERSISTENCE: Keeping at it, staying the course, not giving up – especially when it gets hard – is a requirement. Invoke loving discipline, get support, use your Tools and just continue to breathe and take one more step.

TIME: Be patient. Remember that delayed gratification can help in the pursuit of longer-term goals. A Stanford University psychology researcher, Michael Mischel, conducted a study in the 1960’s looking at the connection between children’s impulse control and ability to delay gratification. The study was simple. He offered one marshmallow immediately or two if they waited until he returned. What he found was that children who waited were more positive, persistent when faced with life difficulties, more self-motivated and better at achieving longer-term goals. (more…)