Ever wonder how your yin and yang energy affects your sex life?

Good chemistry in the bedroom relies on a great balance between the two. In fact, yin/yang is the perfect balance of dynamic opposites working together to create harmony. When talking about sex – at least good sex – it’s not only helpful, it’s essential.

Defining yin and yang could be complicated – but let’s just oversimplify the concept and equate them to feminine and masculine energy (respectively). And, in the interest of our Sex in the City Theme, let’s review what’s yin and yang about our girls:

Samantha: Yin body and presentation (hair, clothes, makeup), yang attitude – especially in her sexcapades and career
Carrie: A fairly even balance – but more yin overall; her fetish for shoes/clothes and her sense of style is very yin, yet her apartment and fear of babies and commitment might be seen as a bit more yang
Miranda: More yang overall – particularly in personality/career. She does embrace her yin side when she allows Steve to pay for her and becomes a mom to Brady
Charlotte: Yin – pretty much through and through; a girlie girl who appreciates good ol’ fashioned romance and courting

Regardless of our gender, we all possess both yin and yang energy. In relationship, however, there is a subtle, yet powerful effect of connecting more fully to our more prominent tendencies – and avoiding the lack of passion of yin/yin or the power struggle of yang/yang. [Note: Even if you dating someone of the same sex, yin & yang roles have to exist for the relationship to work.]

So, ladies (forgive the sweeping heterosexual generalizations here) be yin! Let the guys take the lead. Embrace the chivalry. Think of Charlotte doing – well — anything. Allow yourself to be receptive. Remember Carrie giddily accepting a gorgeous dress from her Russian “lover.” This may be challenging at first – especially if you are taking on a more yang role in your work life, but it is essential if you want a relationship with a yang man!

And men, be yang! Initiate, open doors, help us with our coats, pick up the tab for drinks, make the first move…even if we can do all of this on our own. Be like The Russian or like Big (when they were being their BEST manly man, chivalrous moments of sweeping Carrie off of her feet).

This may seem old-fashioned…in fact, it is. Chinese metaphysics is thousands of years old. Yet, in modern society, sometimes stepping into our more natural yin & yang energies stretches us out of the comfort zones we created in more recent years.

With the woman’s movement, many females have become so independent and self-sufficient (think Miranda and Samantha – and even Carrie & Charlotte to a degree) that it can be harder to connect to the softer, gentler side that will be in greater harmony with a male’s primary provider nature. And, that doesn’t mean women can’t be strong, powerful beings and men can’t be sensitive…it just seems helpful when “connecting” to honor those yin & yang characteristics that are innate.

So, want to sex up this spring? Put the yin and the yang back where they belong – especially in the bedroom!

For more information on Feng Shui and life coaching, visit www.MERlifedesign.com or call 888-828-5888.

Have you ever walked into a room and noticed it looked and felt really good?  Or, perhaps you’ve been in a space that drained your energy and made you want to exit immediately. What’s the difference? While there are many factors contributing to our overall experience, the items in the environment and they way they are set up have a significant impact on us – physically, mentally and emotionally. Feng Shui is a way to arrange your environment to enhance your life.  It’s a powerful tool to create harmony and balance and to manifest what you want – even in the areas of love and commitment.

Think about this: Everything in our space has a message for us.  That’s because there is a thought, feeling or memory attached to it.  Some of the messages are positive, some are neutral, and some are negative.  Can you imagine if you set up your home so it was filled with positive messages that lifted your energy up and supported your intention around love and commitment? It’s an empowering concept.

Here are Ten Feng Shui Tips to do just that.

Tip #1

Remove the TV. Before you say “no way,” consider this incentive: A recent study found that couples who had a TV in the bedroom had sex half as often as those that didn’t. Why? Because the TV is a major distraction. In fact, it sits there starring at you screaming, “Turn me on!” while your partner is silently screaming, “No, turn me on!” Perhaps it would have been less of an obtrusion years ago when TVs were 16 inches, but nowadays, you just can’t miss the 50” flat screen and its built-in temptation to watch. For those of you who are adamant about keeping a TV in the bedroom, try enclosing it in a cabinet or concealing it in some way.

Tip #2

Now that the TV is gone, let’s remove some other distractions…including the computer, phone, and stereo. Trust me, you’ll notice the difference. If you must have music, again try enclosing the components or setting up your iPod discreetly.

Tip #3

Next up…photos. Since your bedroom is a private space for you and your partner, put photos of your family and friends in other parts of your home. There’s no better way to water-down intimacy than having the eyes of these folks watching from afar. Same with religious/spiritual images…even a gentle Buddha sitting peacefully can feel intrusive when you are in a passionate embrace.

Tip #4

And, speaking of eyes watching us – even our own can be triggering. Large mirrors in the space are distracting and reduce intimacy. Despite one popular belief (often held in Vegas) that mirrors enhance romance, most of us will actually feel better – and less self-conscious — without them in the bedroom. If you do have mirrors, try placing them where they can’t be seen from the bed. And, if you have mirrored closet doors, flip them around on the runners or add a curtain in front that you can close as needed.

Tip #5

Remove any/all clutter — especially clutter that’s visible in the space. Start with the surface areas (tops of nightstands/bureaus, etc.). Keep only what’s functional such as a lamp or clock or those things that are adding beauty to the space like candles and plants. Remember that much like the TV, clutter is a distraction. So get rid of anything you don’t need, use or love to create a more restful and romantic environment.

Tip #6

Ask yourself if the position of your bed indicate that you are open to partnership. If one side is pushed up against the wall, it would be hard to accommodate a mate. So, make sure there is equal space on either side of the bed for both people to get in/out comfortably. Also, add two bedside tables and two lamps – preferably of equal size to symbolize balance and equality (even if you perceive that you should maintain the control). And, position the head of your bed against a solid wall with a view of the door. This will help you and your partner relax and be even more present with each other.

Tip #7

What’s on your walls? A good guideline is to display artwork that is romantic or peaceful. The image of a couple embracing can affirm love and partnership. And, even abstract artwork can add softness, style, and personality.

Tip #8

Assess your bedding. Does it need to be refreshed? Perhaps you can splurge on a new duvet cover, sheets, and pillows. If you do, select warm colors (flesh tones are great) and sensual fabrics (e.g. cotton satin, microfiber, silk, etc.). Keep bold patterns & colors to a minimum – in fact, just accent with them instead of using them as a primary focus. This will help create a calm and welcoming environment.

Tip #9

Set the mood and enhance the ambience with soft lighting. Install dimmers and use floor and table lamps to avoid the jarring nature of overhead lights. Add window treatments (for the straight men reading this, window treatments are curtains, draperies or other coverings), area rugs, throw pillows, and blankets. Use candles, real plants with soft round leaves, and/or fresh flowers to complete the look/feel.

Tip #10

Take pleasure in your hard work and enjoy the Feng Shui benefits. By reducing distractions and anchoring the idea of partnership, it will be easier to keep romance alive.

May the new “schway” in your bedroom support connection, romance, passion, sensuality, love and commitment for the two of you!

* Additional tips are available on the “Everyday Feng Shui” instructional audio CD available here.

Life and its unexpected twists and turns can be stressful enough…do we really want our environment adding to the problem?

Clutter can affect your peace at home or productivity and focus at work.  While we all know we need to reduce or remove it entirely, somehow the piles keep growing, the surface areas are full and the floor is barely visible.  It’s overwhelming enough to make us abandon our efforts.  Instead, we often resign ourselves to living in a mess.

Perhaps you are one of the lucky ones…a naturally organized clutter-free individual.  There are some out there - a select few who strive to have little or nothing left lying around.

Then, there are the rest of us.  I include myself in that group because I’m not a natural-born clutter-buster.  While I speak about it all the time, I have to work really hard at keeping my environment organized.  Just ask my mom what my room looked like as a teenager!  But, as soon as I had my own place and began studying Feng Shui (a way to arrange your space to enhance your life), my inner- organizer - and disciplinarian - kicked in.

There are a million excuses for living with disarray in our environment - one of the most common being a lack of time.  Well, I ask you today, do you really have time to be disorganized?

Clutter and disorganization add additional stress to our lives and create unnecessary chaos in our home and office.  An abundance of “stuff” becomes a major distraction and can disturb our sleep, ruin a romantic moment, stifle creativity and reduce our ability to be productive.

Clutter has a major impact on us.  Because everything in our environment has a message for us, clutter forces our brain to process too much at once.  It also impacts our body - activating the nervous system and putting it into overdrive.

Where is the clutter in your life?  Can you identify it?  Review your space and ask yourself three questions:  1) What do I really need in this environment? 2) What do I actually use (regularly)?  and 3) What do I truly love?

Are there things you can give away, throw away or recycle?  Are there things you could file, store or put away neatly if you cleared out space in your drawers, cabinets and closets?  You may need to start by clearing out the clutter that’s tucked away so you have room to store what you need.  Are you willing?

Clutter in our home and office adds anxiety to our lives.  In a fast-paced world where there is an abundance of stress, do you really want your environment to be part of the problem?   I invite you to use this new awareness to be part of the solution.

I awoke this morning delighted that it was Sunday.  I love Sundays.  Even though it was after 7am, it was still quiet.  I was so comfortable.  My bed, my organic cotton sheets and “comforter,” the crisp morning air coming through my open window, gentle light flowing in from behind my curtains…all of my senses were heightened.  I smiled.  I felt safe, secure and at peace.

What in your life brings you comfort?  Are you aware of those things that relax your nervous system and soothe your soul?  If not, perhaps you can observe the experiences in your life - even those that seem simple.  Sometimes, in the simplicity, we find the greatest satisfaction.

Then, of course, there’s the opposite feeling - that of discomfort.  One basic definition of discomfort is “mental or bodily distress.”  In certain circumstances, we can use this definition to avoid potential suffering (for example, we might stop running if feel discomfort in our knee).  Other definitions of discomfort include: “uneasiness, nervousness, inconvenience.”  Or, merely, “lack of comfort.”

There’s a good portion of the time when I experience being uncomfortable - or out of my comfort zone.  Whether working on a new project, teaching a class to an unfamiliar group, anticipating a coaching session, paying bills…as Gilda Radner said, “It’s always something.”

The contrast between comfort and discomfort can be stark.  And, as Maslow states, there are certain needs, such as food, clothing and shelter that, when left unmet, threaten our survival.   But, is there such a thing as healthy discomfort?

Our sense of comfort or discomfort can be a useful tool in navigating our lives.  When we are too comfortable, we can get stuck - meaning our comfort is actually creating discomfort.  From this perspective, discomfort can be an opportunity to grow, develop and evolve.  And, a time to surrender to something new, experience the unfamiliar and embrace a little uneasiness.

Where in your life are you uncomfortable?  Is this a place where you are stretching beyond the familiar and choosing to expand?   Could it be healthy discomfort?

And the day came when the risk (it took) to remain tight in the bud was more painful than
the risk it took to blossom.
–Anais Nin

In support of you stepping out of your comfort zone.

My grandmother used to say, “If you can’t sleep, rest is the next best thing.”

I hear her voice and wisdom often when I’m “supposed to be sleeping” but am feeling anxious, overwhelmed or wired.  So, instead of worrying about not sleeping, I rest.  Usually, my body relaxes and I fall into slumber.

As a person who teaches others how to stay in balance, I often have to dig deep into my toolbox to make sure I’m practicing what I preach.

While I delight in sleeping eight hours a night, there are times when my schedule somehow gets in the way.  Does that ever happen to you?  It might be because I’ve said “yes” to some great work opportunities and just happen to have evening activities on my calendar too.  Or, perhaps I have to catch up on admin or want to squeeze a workout into the morning before my day begins.  Whatever the reason, my shut-eye sometimes suffers.

The first few days of less-than-ideal sleep, my adrenaline, optimism and general good health carries me along.  Then, little-by-little the fatigue sets in.  Every part of me feels like I need to rest and relax.  So, whenever possible, with my grandmother’s words ringing in my ears, I give myself ten minutes to lie down.  If that’s not an option, I’ll just sit, close my eyes and breathe.  The result?  I feel better.

We all know that managing stress is easier when we sleep well, eat mindfully and exercise, but sometimes it’s challenging to do when things get hectic.

The good news is that we can introduce rest and relaxation into our day.  Whether you are taking a few minutes to do deep breathing, lying down and closing your eyes, sitting and looking a beautiful image, taking a brief walk, listening to a song you love, meditating, saying a prayer/affirmation or playing with a pet, there are dozens of quick and effective ways to calm the mind, relax the body and rejuvenate the spirit.

What tools can you use today to help keep you centered and in balance?

Remember what my grandmother said. “If you can’t sleep, rest is the next best thing.”  She was right.

In support,

Coach Marie Elena Rigo

In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.  Theodore Roosevelt

Over the past few months, I’ve been helping a client select new carpet for her home.  It’s been a stressful process because she’s been unable to make a decision.  With endless color, material, pattern and quality options, she fell into a state of anxiety — fearful that if she selected something, she’d miss out on something “out there” that might be a better fit.  Even with a budget and professional help, she’s elected to stay in a state of indecision.

I talked to her about the benefit of making a choice and moving on with the rest of her home renovation project.  Eventually, we agreed upon a carpet selection and ordered it.  I left hoping she felt some relief.  A few hours later, she emailed me and said that she’d called and cancelled the order.  I respected her decision, but knew we would have to start the deliberation process all over again - which would not only add to her existing stress, but also prohibit her from making other decisions for her home.

If you put off everything ‘till you’re sure of it, you’ll get nothing done. Norman Vincent Peale

Our lives are chock-full of choices, options and possibilities.  Too many options often render us motionless - causing us stress and keeping us stuck in our own indecision.

Why is it so challenging for us to decide?  Patterns of perfectionism and procrastination certainly play a part.  We deliberate, evaluation, assess, analyze, solicit the opinions of others - and often stay in the “process” far longer than necessary because we desperately want to get it “right.”  While there is definitely value in weighing our options, there is also immense value in choosing.  Whether we get it right or wrong, the act of making a decision is empowering in itself.

How are you using indecision to add stress to your life?  Are you postponing something you need to address?  Are you creating drama where it could be avoided?  Or, do you truly need to gather more information?

As the Emperor Napoleon said, “Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived, stop thinking and go in.”

So, you’ve gone out with that special someone, confirmed there’s chemistry, and are bringing your date home for the first time. If you’re “lucky,” perhaps you’ll even visit the bedroom. Yikes! If that idea surfaces a lot of anxiety, you’re not alone. Well, don’t panic. Here are some tips to help set the perfect mood, reduce distractions, and keep romance alive.

One of the most important principles to remember is that an adult/master bedroom is for rest and romance. Yep, that’s it - just rest and romance. While many of us use the bedroom as a multipurpose space (you know who you are), your love life and sleep will benefit from keeping the focus on these two areas (i.e. rest and romance…in case you already forgot) and by removing things that are unrelated.

So, to invite love/romance in (and keep it in), we need to take the distractions out. WARNING: For some of you, the next statement may cause anxiety. So, take a breath and keep reading…you’ll be glad you did.

Tip #1

Remove the TV. Wait, let’s repeat that. Remove the TV. Before you say “no way,” consider this incentive: A recent study found that couples who had a TV in the bedroom had sex half as often as those that didn’t. Why? Because the TV is a major distraction. In fact, it sits there starring at you screaming, “Turn me on!” while your partner is silently screaming, “No, turn me on!” For those of you who are completely stuck on a TV in the bedroom, try enclosing it in a cabinet.

Tip #2

Now that the TV is gone and you’ve recovered from the trauma, let’s remove the computer, phone, and stereo. Trust me, you’ll notice the difference. If you must have music, try enclosing the components or set up your iPod discreetly, as it plays your groovin’ love tunes.

Tip #3

Next up…photos. Since your bedroom is a private space for you and your partner, put photos of your family and friends in other parts of your home. There’s no better way to water-down intimacy than having the eyes of these folks watching from afar. Same with religious/spiritual images.

Tip #4

Even our own eyes can be triggering. Large mirrors in the space are distracting and reduce intimacy. Despite one popular belief (often held in Vegas) that mirrors enhance romance, most of us will feel better - and less self-conscious — without them.

Tip #5

Remove clutter. Start with the tops of nightstands and bureaus. Keep only what’s functional such as a lamp or clock or those things adding beauty like candles and plants. Get rid of anything you don’t need, use or love to create a more restful and romantic environment.

Now that the clearing is complete, let’s make the room inviting and comfortable.

Tip #6

Does the position of your bed indicate you are open to partnership? Make sure there is equal space on either side of the bed for both people to get in/out comfortably. Also, add two bedside tables and two lamps - preferably of equal size to symbolize balance and equality. Position the head of your bed against a solid wall with a view of the door. This will help you and your date relax and be even more present with each other.

Tip #7

What’s on your walls? If you are displaying sports, movie, or alcohol posters leftover from college, you may want to step it up a notch. A good guideline is artwork that is romantic or peaceful. The image of a couple embracing will affirm love and partnership, and nature scenes inspire tranquility. Even abstract artwork can add softness, style, and personality.

Tip #8

Assess your bedding. Still sporting the same ensemble since you moved in to your apartment nine years ago? Well, perhaps you can splurge on a new duvet cover, sheets, and pillows. If you do, go for warm colors (flesh tones are great) and sensual fabrics. Keep bold patterns & colors to a minimum. This will help create a calm and welcoming environment.

Tip #9

Impress your date by setting the mood with soft lighting. Install dimmers and use floor and table lamps to avoid the jarring overhead lights. Add window treatments (curtains, draperies or other coverings), area rugs, throw pillows, and blankets. Use candles, real plants with soft round leaves, and/or fresh flowers to complete the look/feel.

Tip #10

Take pleasure in your hard work. If your date does end up visiting your bedroom, there’s a good chance you’ll both enjoy the Feng Shui benefits. May the new “schway” in your bedroom support connection, romance, passion, sensuality, and hopefully a great night’s sleep for the two of you!