So, you’ve gone out with that special someone, confirmed there’s chemistry, and are bringing your date home for the first time. If you’re “lucky,” perhaps you’ll even visit the bedroom. Yikes! If that idea surfaces a lot of anxiety, you’re not alone. Well, don’t panic. Here are some tips to help set the perfect mood, reduce distractions, and keep romance alive.
One of the most important principles to remember is that an adult/master bedroom is for rest and romance. Yep, that’s it – just rest and romance. While many of us use the bedroom as a multipurpose space (you know who you are), your love life and sleep will benefit from keeping the focus on these two areas (i.e. rest and romance…in case you already forgot) and by removing things that are unrelated.
So, to invite love/romance in (and keep it in), we need to take the distractions out. WARNING: For some of you, the next statement may cause anxiety. So, take a breath and keep reading…you’ll be glad you did.
Remove the TV. Wait, let’s repeat that. Remove the TV. Before you say “no way,” consider this incentive: A recent study found that couples who had a TV in the bedroom had sex half as often as those that didn’t. Why? Because the TV is a major distraction. In fact, it sits there starring at you screaming, “Turn me on!” while your partner is silently screaming, “No, turn me on!” For those of you who are completely stuck on a TV in the bedroom, try enclosing it in a cabinet.
Now that the TV is gone and you’ve recovered from the trauma, let’s remove the computer, phone, and stereo. Trust me, you’ll notice the difference. If you must have music, try enclosing the components or set up your iPod discreetly, as it plays your groovin’ love tunes.
Next up…photos. Since your bedroom is a private space for you and your partner, put photos of your family and friends in other parts of your home. There’s no better way to water-down intimacy than having the eyes of these folks watching from afar. Same with religious/spiritual images.
Even our own eyes can be triggering. Large mirrors in the space are distracting and reduce intimacy. Despite one popular belief (often held in Vegas) that mirrors enhance romance, most of us will feel better – and less self-conscious — without them.
Remove clutter. Start with the tops of nightstands and bureaus. Keep only what’s functional such as a lamp or clock or those things adding beauty like candles and plants. Get rid of anything you don’t need, use or love to create a more restful and romantic environment.
Now that the clearing is complete, let’s make the room inviting and comfortable.
Does the position of your bed indicate you are open to partnership? Make sure there is equal space on either side of the bed for both people to get in/out comfortably. Also, add two bedside tables and two lamps – preferably of equal size to symbolize balance and equality. Position the head of your bed against a solid wall with a view of the door. This will help you and your date relax and be even more present with each other.
What’s on your walls? If you are displaying sports, movie, or alcohol posters leftover from college, you may want to step it up a notch. A good guideline is artwork that is romantic or peaceful. The image of a couple embracing will affirm love and partnership, and nature scenes inspire tranquility. Even abstract artwork can add softness, style, and personality.
Assess your bedding. Still sporting the same ensemble since you moved in to your apartment nine years ago? Well, perhaps you can splurge on a new duvet cover, sheets, and pillows. If you do, go for warm colors (flesh tones are great) and sensual fabrics. Keep bold patterns & colors to a minimum. This will help create a calm and welcoming environment.
Impress your date by setting the mood with soft lighting. Install dimmers and use floor and table lamps to avoid the jarring overhead lights. Add window treatments (curtains, draperies or other coverings), area rugs, throw pillows, and blankets. Use candles, real plants with soft round leaves, and/or fresh flowers to complete the look/feel.
Take pleasure in your hard work. If your date does end up visiting your bedroom, there’s a good chance you’ll both enjoy the Feng Shui benefits. May the new “schway” in your bedroom support connection, romance, passion, sensuality, and hopefully a great night’s sleep for the two of you!